


New Beginnings

by marvelandimagine



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 20:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7330252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelandimagine/pseuds/marvelandimagine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky x reader. Bucky and reader are married; reader really wants to start a family but Bucky is hesitant because of his past and feelings of shame and guilt. He doesn't think his children will be proud of him. The reader changes his mind, though; hurt/comfort then fluff and baby excitement!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Beginnings

“C’mon, kids, say goodbye to your Aunt Y/N and Uncle Bucky,” Clint says needlessly, smiling as he watches Cooper and Lila attack hug Bucky while you hand off Nathaniel to Laura.

“Thank you so much for watching them again; it’s been so sweet of you to let me and Clint have some real time together,” Laura gushes thankfully, embracing you in a one-armed hug of her own.

“Anytime, Laura, they were great,” you respond warmly. Your eyes flicker briefly back to your husband, playfully roaring as he wraps one metal arm and one regular around each of the kids in a tight embrace.

You lower your voice and Laura looks at you knowingly.

“Bucky’s great with them, too. I can see how much more comfortable he’s gotten, so fingers crossed.”

Laura smiles at you softly.

“You’d be great parents, both of you. Just give him time, he’ll come around – I mean, if that doesn’t scream ‘future Dad-’” She nods her head toward Bucky, now spinning each screeching child around as they hang onto his metal arm.

“Kids, knock it off, that may be metal but it can still break,” Clint says exasperatedly and the kids hop off immediately while Bucky laughs, brushing strands of his messy brown hair out of his eyes.

“This thing has survived worse, Clint, but thanks.”

Lila and Cooper rush at you and you react similiarly to your husband, bending down and embracing the kids tightly and rocking them playfully side to side.

“Whose your favorite aunt, kids?”

“YOU!” They both chime and you high five each of them before audibly whispering: “Just don’t tell Aunt Nat that or she might go all Black Widow on me.”

You rustle their hair affectionately and they run to their dad who easily scoops Cooper up in one arm, Lila tugging at the other.

“See you guys later, thanks again.”

“No problem,” Bucky and you respond in unison and you grin at your husband, quickly running at him and jumping into his arms as soon as the door shuts.

“Hello there,” Bucky chuckles happily between the adoring kisses you give him; hitching one leg around him before he picks you up entirely, his mouth working eagerly against yours as he paces backward to sit on the couch, keeping you perched in his lap.

You grin against the softness of his lips, pulling back gently to plant a sweet kiss on his forehead; humming contentedly as Bucky’s hands move to rest on your hips.

“I love you so much,” you murmur softly.

Bucky gazes up at you adoringly, his smile lighting up his often weary countenance.

“I love you too.”

You rest your hands on top of Bucky’s, bringing them in front of you to stroke tenderly; your eyes flickering downward as your pulse quickens with anticipation for the conversation you’re about to start.

“You’re great with them, you know,” you say gently.

“Who?” Bucky asks confusedly, but his tone is still light. A good sign.

You inhale slightly before you continue:

“Lila and Cooper and Nathaniel.”

“Oh. Yeah, they’re good kids.”

When he doesn’t continue on, you shift your body weight, waiting for Bucky to lift his arm to allow you to lie down on his chest; your fingers tracing lightly along the fabric of his henley.

“Yeah.” You hate how nervous you feel; you talk to Bucky about everything, but you also know how abrupt he’s been in past conversation about the topic you’re attempting to breach. You know you have to choose your words right.

Your heartbeat quicker than usual, you continue, murmuring hopefully, affectionately:

“You would be a great dad, Buck.”

Your heart sinks as you feel your husband tense underneath you and you tilt your head up to look at him; blinking quickly at the blank look on his face, eyes purposefully avoiding yours.

“Y/N,” he starts hesitantly, but you cut him off.

“Bucky, please, I know you said you wanted to wait, and that’s fine, but I’ve waited three months to even bring it up talking about this after last time.”

Last time was shortly after you got married – Bucky had told you he wanted to have kids while you were dating and engaged, so you didn’t think broaching the topic would be a problem. But when you mentioned starting a family, Bucky seemed to close up; his face tightening and his voice flat. He had apologized, saying he just wanted to wait; that he didn’t feel comfortable becoming a parent yet, but that he did want a family with you.

You had felt relief knowing that he hadn’t suddenly changed his mind, but you were very aware of how his body language changed whenever any of the team brought up kids when you were both in the room; when you were both out shopping and your eyes couldn’t help flickering to baby clothes and toys.

You had hoped that babysitting would help him to actually gain experience with kids, to learn how to modify his strength with them – a sort of trial run. And Clint’s kids adored him, Bucky always was coming up with new games for them to play; full of energy and light and love. He could even rock Nathaniel to sleep now. So what was holding him back from having a child with you?

The growing sadness, your desperation to understand, to get answers hangs heavy in every syllable; your voice cutting through Bucky like a knife. God, he hates seeing you upset and he hates himself even more for causing it. For not telling you why he’s been avoiding the subject.

You swallow as hot, stinging tears start to build in your eyes.

“Do you … do you not want to have a family with me anymore?”

You hate the words as they fall off your tongue, you’re agonized that you even feel that you have to ask; the doubt and the hurt building in your chest.

Bucky shifts upward in an instant, wrapping his strong arms around you and brushing his lips against your hair.

“No, baby, that’s not it at all. I do, I really do, I promise,” he whispers quietly, and you can hear the sincerity in his voice. But you can also hear pain.

You pull back, sniffling slightly.

“Then why do you keep acting like this, Buck, like that’s the absolute last thing you want?”

He pauses for a second.

“I don’t know,” he mutters, eyes flickering from you to the side.

“You can lie to everyone else but me; yes you do,“ you reply fiercely, but your touch is soft as you smooth his brown hair behind one of his ears; your thumb stroking the dark stubble that lines his jaw.

“Please, Bucky, just talk to me. You know I’m always here for you; I just want you to be honest.”

You squeeze his hand tightly and he reciprocates, distress now reading plainly across his face; the light in his blue grey eyes extinguished.

“They’d be ashamed of me,” he says flatly and you can’t help the way your eyes widen with disbelief.

“What? Bucky no-”

He cuts you off with a bitter laugh and as he speaks, you can’t help the silent tears that escape from your eyes.

“You’re going to try to tell me that if we had kids, they would be proud of me? That their dad killed so many people, good people? That the government tried to kill him because they thought he was too dangerous to be kept alive? And now, that their father is on a fucking cocktail of meds and regular therapy so he doesn’t go insane?!”

Bucky’s voice is shaking as you watch him blink furiously; his blue eyes bright with shining tears. You reach out to grab his shoulder and he quickly catches your wrist in his left hand; rolling up the sleeve of his shirt to expose the glistening metal.

“And this, fucking this, that their dad isn’t even a real human anymore? That I look like some kind of monster … I was a monster, Y/N. It wouldn’t be fair to them, they deserve someone good, like you, but me, I-.”

You crash your lips briefly against his as his voice breaks, pulling back to cup his face firmly, tenderly; your voice thick with emotion as you speak and watch the way your husband bites at the corner of his lip to fight the building pain in his eyes.

“Bucky, baby, please. Listen to me. You are good. You are so, so good, OK? You’re sweet, you’re caring, you’re funny and smart and so goddamn loving and protective … I wouldn’t be so stupidly in love with you, I wouldn’t have married you if you weren’t a good guy, Buck. And you are, OK? What you did – what they forced you to do – all that pain and anger and suffering, it could have turned you into a monster. But it didn’t, you didn’t let it. Because you’re the strongest person I know and you fought with everything you had to get out, to start over and to be the kind of man that you were, that you are. The real Bucky; the man I fell in love with, the man our kids could absolutely look up to and love.”

Underneath the hardened edges of his countenance, Bucky melts at your words; the fierceness in his eyes gone and replaced by a beseeching, heart wrenching desperation: a desperation for your words to be true. That he could be worthy of raising a child with you, of being a good father.

You give Bucky a tentative, watery smile as you continue; the weight on your chest lightening as he returns it.

“I see how you are with Clint’s kids; Laura and Clint see it, I see it, the team sees it, even the kids see it – you are such a good person, Buck, and would be such an amazing dad. You’re not Captain America’s best friend for no reason. You’d be their hero, I know it.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything right away, he simply wraps one arm around your back tightly, the other resting on the back of your head as he brings you close to him.

You feel him inhale deeply against you and you rub his back soothingly, planting a soft kiss on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I kept all this shit from you. But you saying all this … it really does help. I love you, so much Y/N, you’re the greatest thing to ever happen to me,” he murmurs thickly.

“I love you too, Bucky.”

He pulls back first this time, planting a sweet kiss to your forehead before a small smile lights up his face; taking your hands in his.

“You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but with you saying how good of a dad I’d be and playing with Clint’s kids … thinking about how great of a mom you’d be … I don’t know.”

He runs a hand through his hair as he laughs sheepishly.

“You wanna try to start a family tonight?”

You’re overcome with a myriad of emotion – happiness and shock and wonder all at once because oh my god, this is real, you’re going to try to get pregnant with the love of your life – but instead of conveying all those poignant feelings, all that comes out is a burst of laughter and:

“You mean, “Can we can have copious amounts of unprotected sex?”

Bucky joins in your laughter as he pushes you back onto the couch, his smile turning to a smirk as he brings his lip to your neck; grinning into the exposed skin as your breath hitches while he plants kisses all the way up to your ear; murmuring playfully: “If you say so.”

You push him back gently, stroking his face as you gaze into his eyes; the emotion you meant to convey verbally reading plainly across your countenance.

“You really wanna have a baby with me?” Your voice is constricted with excitement that only builds with the intense sincerity that radiates in his gaze and the way he smiles back at you.

He nods, bringing his right hand to frame your face, using his thumb to run adoringly over your soft skin.

“Yeah, I really do.”

You shake your fists happily as you squeal, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck as you kiss your husband passionately.

“Ahhhhhhh, let’s have a baby!!” You yell out giddily as you pull back, falling into dizzying laughter together with noses touching before Bucky scoops you up off the couch, your legs wrapped around him as he holds you up in his strong arms; his lips still locked onto yours as he carries you off into your bedroom and kicks the door closed behind him.

—-

2 months later

Sweat runs down Bucky’s face as he spars with Steve in the gym, strands of brown hair escaping from his messy bun and into his eyes. He flicks them away irritably as the two continue to attack each other; each blow unrelenting and ferocious.

“That’s it, Cap, you keep him on the ropes!” Sam calls out from the sidelines, only furthering Bucky’s mounting frustration.

Ever since you two had been trying to start a family, Bucky’s attention had been noticeably absent in the ring. It was honestly a good thing that the newbies – Sam, Vision and Wanda – had been handling most of the field missions lately; Bucky didn’t know if he’d be able to focus.

All he could think about these days was you, even more so than usual. How you looked, how you felt – God, getting to finish inside you was unbelievable – if you had even the slightest physical or emotional changes, the thought of you being pregnant with your child together. Bucky had never been a patient person and most of his missions were completed in mere minutes. But this, this was looking to be his longest mission yet.

It was a good thing that you were more relaxed than he was, patiently reminding him that it took most couples around 6 months to conceive. You had wanted kids for as long as you could remember, and now that you were actually trying to start a family with Bucky, you knew a little more patience couldn’t hurt – especially when Bucky was constantly (though adorably) asking how you felt. You didn’t mind it, it just showed that he truly was excited to have a child with you, and that knowledge made you feel like the happiest woman in the world.

Steve slams Bucky roughly into the side of the ring, taking his knees out from behind and pinning him to the ground.

Sam gleefully whoops on the sideline as Bucky sighs, not even pausing as he quickly gets out from under Steve to deliver a usual sarcastic remark to “Bird Man.” He just grabs his water bottle, nods, and starts to duck out of the ring.

“Buck, slow down. What’s been up with you lately?” Steve asks concernedly, his arms crossed on his chest. Bucky freezes for a second, feeling caught. You and him have kept the whole “trying to get pregnant thing” under wraps – something especially hard to do when you live with a bunch of trained spies.

“Looks like Grandpa here’s too old for the game, Cap,” Sam says mischievously.

Bucky forces a grin, knowing that the only way to avoid Cap’s question is to act normal. So, in the guise of normalcy, he charges at Sam full speed. Steve rolls his eyes but smiles, watching the two wrestle like brothers.

Bucky changes his tactic mid-punch, using his metal fingers to mercilessly attack Sam’s ribcage and cracking up while Sam shrieks in laughter.

“WHAT THE FUCK, YOU TICKLING ME?! That’s – that’s bush league – SHIT BARNES STOP, THIS IS LOW!”

“SAY GRANDPA WINS!!” Bucky yells back tauntingly, trying hard to stifle his own laughs as he notices Steve whipping out his iPhone to record the two.

“OVER MY COLD, DEAD- FUCK GRANDPA WINS, HE WINS!” Sam screeches begrudgingly, Bucky and Steve practically in tears with laughter as Bucky lets go.

“Oh man, technology is the greatest,” Steve chuckles, eyes fixed on his phone screen as his thumb taps the “post” button on Instagram.

“Y’all can kiss my ass,” Sam mutters, rubbing at his side.

The sound of the gym doors swooshing up rings clear through the room, Sam looking beyond Bucky’s shoulder as he calls out.

“Hey, you gotta tell your boy here that it’s not cool to tickle a grown man in the middle of a fight!”

“Well, did he win?” Bucky’s heart speeds up predictably as he hears your voice, spinning around and smiling. His smile fades slightly as he takes in your body language; your voice may sound light, but you’re radiating a kind of manic energy, your fingers tapping quick rhythms on your thigh. What was wrong?

Sam sputters in response to your question:

“THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT!”

You laugh and pull Bucky into a hug, kissing him sweetly while Sam sticks his tongue out.

“Proud of you,” you coo sweetly, interlacing his metal fingers in yours. Bucky can’t smile fully – he’s knows you well enough to know that you need to talk.

Sure enough, you lower your voice: “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” Bucky says soothingly, kissing the top of your forehead and starting to walk with you toward the doors.

“Secrets don’t make friends, Y/N,” Steve chides teasingly and you laugh shakily, unconvincingly. Unconvincingly to where your husband’s closest friend’s are bound to notice.

"You ok, Y/N?” Sam calls out and you nod fervently.

“I’m ok, I’m fine, just fine, I’m great really,” you babble, and Bucky stops you near the door, turning you to him, his concern overshadowing any thought of his friends hearing.

“What happened? Is something wrong?”

You beam at your husband, your face glowing even more as slow, dawning, hopeful comprehension crosses his face.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” you whisper, your voice shaking before you erupt into exhilarated laughter; Bucky’s heart racing and eyes widening as he sees how happy you are.

“No way, wait, you’re not, are you …”

You nod enthusiastically, your grin lighting up your whole face and your eyes glistening with happy tears.

“Yeah, Bucky, I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby!”

It’s like the whole world has stopped and all he can see is you, hear your words ringing in his ears. And nothing else matters.

“You’re pregnant?” He whispers, and you continue to laugh, clasping your hands over your mouth as Bucky yells out excitedly, picking you up into his arms and spinning you around. You land and his hands are on your face, his lips pressing against your own before his smile breaks into his own joyous laughter.

He feels the tears in his eyes but for the first time he can remember, he doesn’t try to stop them. It’s the happiest he’s ever felt.

His forehead on yours, he murmurs excitedly. “We’re having a baby, oh my God, we’re having a baby. I love you, I love you.”

“I love you too, Bucky, so much,” your voice cracks as you wrap your arms around your neck, crying and laughing into his shoulder as his arms hold you tightly to his chest.

“Are you guys .. are you guys good?” Steve calls out tentatively, snapping you back to Earth for a second as you realize that you’re still in the gym.

You both laugh and Bucky continues to hold you close to him, staring at you like he’s never seen anything so amazing. He never knew he’d be able to feel this happy, that he’d have the chance to feel so much love. To be able to share his own love with you, and now, with your child.

Bucky runs his hands over your stomach, grinning as he looks at you.

“You wanna tell them?”

You nod, kissing Bucky once more before you turn to your friends:

“I’m pregnant, guys!”

Steve’s jaw literally drops and Sam lets out a dramatic, high pitched scream close to the sound he made while being tickled.

“ARE YOU FOR REAL NOW?!”

“HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS?!?”

Sam and Steve cry out in unison, both sprinting over toward you to engulf you and Bucky in a bear hug.

As they pull back, Bucky looks at you, sharing a smile and squeezing your hand. God, you are so bright and beautiful; your future together is just the same.

“Yeah, we’re gonna be parents.”

He takes one last, deep breath, reassured by the glow in your smile at him and the love radiating in your touch as you rest your head on his shoulder. He takes that deep breath and he smiles, his voice constricted with a million emotions, but the one that stands out the most is happiness.

“I’m gonna be a dad.”


End file.
